Apparently my post about how I feel regarding religion has caused an uproar in my neighborhood. First off I want to clarify that my thoughts were not directed at one particular person but as a general observation second this is my blog it's a place I choose to write my thoughts and if you don't like what I have to say don't read my blog.
A comment was left on my blog saying that I was looking my nose down on people and that people don't judge me for drinking alcohol and coffee. I would like to clarify the difference here. The difference is I don't pretend to be something I am not, come to my house anytime my wine rack is stocked and my coffee pot is on the counter. I am not a hypocrite and I don't live a lie!
Perhaps if my words offended you this article may help to ease the contention I have set in motion. In the words of a great poet "To Thine Own Self Be True"
Perry M. Christenson, “That Ye Not Be Offended,” Liahona, Oct 1995, 29
Five keys to keep from having your feelings hurt.
You have saved your money for many years and have made many sacrifices to purchase an expensive new car. Finally, the day arrives when you have enough money to buy it.
As you are driving your new car home, you hear a thump-thump-thump. You pull over to the side of the road and discover that you have a flat tire. “I can’t believe this car!” you exclaim as you slam the door. “I spent all that money on it—and for what?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, you pull a can of gasoline from the trunk, douse the car, and ignite it. The new car with the flat tire is obliterated in an inferno.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Who would destroy a fine car because of one minor problem?
Yet how many of us have allowed a relationship we have nurtured for years to “go up in flames” because of one careless remark? Or how many of us have forgone church activity because someone has offended us?
Chances are that within our own ward and stake, someone will offend us sooner or later. Elder Marion D. Hanks, an emeritus member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, has said that the way we handle these situations may have serious ramifications:
“What is our response when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against, made an offender for a word, falsely accused, passed over, hurt by those we love, our offerings rejected? Do we resent, become bitter, hold a grudge? Or do we resolve the problem if we can, forgive, and rid ourselves of the burden?
“The nature of our response to such situations may well determine the nature and quality of our lives, here and eternally” (Ensign, January 1974, page 20).
The following five keys can help keep us from becoming offended—or if we have already been offended, quicken the healing process:
1. Build a Firm Foundation
We are easily offended when we feel insecure about ourselves. Do you remember a time when you wore an article of clothing that didn’t fit well? You probably felt self-conscious about how you looked. And you may have worried that the slightest giggle was from someone laughing at your attire—or that other people’s conversations were directed at you and at your appearance. It was easy to become offended, wasn’t it? Why? Because you were insecure about yourself.
To avoid taking offense, we need a firm foundation. We must be firm in our commitment and testimony of the gospel, in our sense of self-worth, in the knowledge of who we are, and in our sense of our divine potential.
2. Understand the Intent
Although we sometimes don’t like to admit it, the intent of someone’s criticism may be to help us. We should be gracious enough to receive the criticism, understanding that the person may be trying to help.
When you feel you have been improperly judged, falsely accused, or offended in some way, pause to reflect upon the person’s intentions. Frequently, you’ll discover that the intent behind the criticism was constructive and was offered in an effort to help.
3. Be Swift to Hear, Slow to Wrath
“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
“For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:19–20). Why should we be “swift to hear” advice, complaints, or criticism? Perhaps because we honestly need to change something about ourselves. Perhaps we truly need to heed the advice or the criticism.
In addition to being “swift to hear,” we should also be “slow to wrath.” It is easy to react quickly to offenses and to respond in like manner. Arguments can easily escalate from one caustic remark to another, with each person reacting to the other’s remark. When we let our emotions dictate a hasty response, we relinquish control of ourselves and of the situation.
4. Don’t Seek Revenge
Elder H. Burke Peterson, then of the Presiding Bishopric, related the experience of a group of teenagers who were picnicking in the desert outside Phoenix, Arizona. One of the girls was bitten by a rattlesnake. Instead of immediately seeking medical attention, the group pursued the snake and sought revenge by killing it with rocks. Unfortunately, during the precious minutes that the group wasted in exacting revenge, the poison had time to move from the surface of the girl’s skin into the tissues of her foot and leg; her leg later had to be amputated below the knee.
“It was a senseless sacrifice, this price of revenge. … The poison of revenge, or of unforgiving thoughts or attitudes, unless removed, will destroy the soul in which it is harbored,” said Bishop Peterson.
When we are offended, feelings of hate, dreams of vengeance, or misguided feelings of righteous indignation poison our minds and spirits. In the end, we are the ones most hurt. On the other hand, continued Bishop Peterson, “forgiveness of others for wrongs—imaginary or real—often does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. That person who has not forgiven a wrong or an injury has not yet tasted of one of the sublime enjoyments of life” (Ensign, November 1983, pages 59–60).
5. Seek Reconciliation
My two-year-old son, Brian, was playing in the sandbox with his friend Scotty. Suddenly, sand was thrown, feelings were hurt, and Scotty started crying. I started toward the sandbox to initiate a parent’s perennial patching up, but before I had taken two steps, Brian reached out and hugged Scotty. Tears stopped as quickly as they began, hurt feelings were mended, and friends were reconciled. Then they both continued playing as before.
“And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled” (D&C 42:88). We need to take the initiative by seeking reconciliation with the person who offended us. The best way to do so is to quietly take the person aside and openly discuss the situation.
Do we, like the Lord’s disciples, need to work harder at not being offended? Testimonies and personal relationships are worth more than an expensive new car. How ridiculous to let them go up in flames when a flat tire momentarily disrupts our journey.
